


New Adult

by Caracalliope



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adult Trolls (Homestuck), Alternate Universe - Murderstuck Never Happened, Alternia is Terrible, Ambiguous Relationships, Awkward Sexual Situations, Consent Issues, Fear vs Friendship, M/M, puberty is also terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:42:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caracalliope/pseuds/Caracalliope
Summary: Karkat physically matures to adulthood 2 sweeps before any of his friends. But teenage trolls can't relax around an adult, even if it's their beloved friendleader.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora & Karkat Vantas, Eridan Ampora/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	New Adult

Your fronds are still too thick and awkward and sharp-knuckled, and you don’t want to look at them too closely. You also see colors more brightly, and staring at the screen is giving you a pan-ache. You need to grow the _fuck_ up and get this over with.

CG: HEY, ERIDAN. I'M REALLY SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO CORNER YOU TODAY. I’LL TRY TO BE LESS OF A THOUGHTLESS LUMBERING PIECE OF AMBULANT CRABSHIT, OKAY? I’M STILL LEARNING HOW TO NAVIGATE THIS OVERSIZED WRECK.

CA: shut your blowwhole kar you didnt do anyfin wwrong  
CA: you snuck up on me i ran awway it happens  
CA: its not your fault youre a freak a nature that matured ahead a time  
CA: wwell legally it is  
CA: but our legal system is as dead as it is exploded so nobodys going to cull you for your mutant physiology  
CA: i mean wwe probably couldnt evven if wwe all banded together  
CA: and fat chance a THAT happenin  
CA: wwe cant organize for shit wwithout you leading the dumbfuck operation  
CA: your adult ass is safe as hivves

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is typing…

caligulasAquarium [CA] is typing…

CA: that wwas a joke by the wway  
CA: nobody is conspirin against you i promise  
CA: sorry i probably shouldnt joke about that wwhat wwith your instincts an all  
CA: im sorry kar

CG: CALM THE FUCK DOWN, I NEVER TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY BY DEFAULT. I ALSO DON’T HAVE THE “INSTINCTS” TO MAUL ANY OF YOU, AS I KEEP TELLING YOU. EITHER I’M FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN AS AN ADULT OR WE GOT SOLD A LOAD OF THINKPAN SCRUBBING JACKSHIT ABOUT HOW ADULTS ARE INHERENTLY AGGRESSIVE.  
CG: I AM FEELING TRANQUIL AS A GREENHOUSE DAISY, FUCKFACE.

CA: suuure  
CA: i knoww youre tryin to be nice and i appreseate it  
CA: but theres nothing wwrong wwith acknowwledgin natural hierarchies  
CA: as i keep tellin you  
CA: and youre on top a this one right noww  
CA: so wwevve gotta thread lighter around you and thats just the wway a the wworld  
CA: i mean if you wwanted you could havve us  
CA: uh havve us killed i mean  
CA: or  
CA: like  
CA: so wwhat about your other instincts?

CG: ***WHAT*** OTHER INSTINCTS?

CA: come on kar dont make me spell it out

CG: I DON’T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, DIPSHIT. WHAT OTHER INSTINCTS AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE? IF WE’RE TALKING ABOUT CONQUERING ALIEN CIVILIZATIONS, SURE, I’LL GET RIGHT ON THAT AS SOON AS WE MEET SEMI-INTELLIGENT LIFE MORE COMPLEX THAN BARTERING SALAMANDERS.

CA: no  
CA: i mean your other instincts  
CA: matin ones

CG: … ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME? ERIDAN, YOU CAN’T SPEND TIME IN THE SAME ROOM WITH ME WITHOUT FLINCHING.

CA: i knoww i knoww  
CA: look wwere not all impudent death wwish badasses like kan  
CA: i dont knoww wwhat her nervves are made of

CG: KANAYA IS NERVOUS AROUND ME TOO, OR SHE WAS AT FIRST. I WISH I KNEW WHAT SHE’S THINKING.

CA: you could try askin  
CA: but the point is kar  
CA: youre going to need to pail something sooner or later  
CA: and if its all the same to you id rather vvolunteer than get dragged kickin and screamin

CG: THAT IS THE WORST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SAID TO ME. ALSO, NOT HOW VOLUNTEERING WORKS.

caligulasAquarium [CA] is typing…

caligulasAquarium [CA] is typing…

caligulasAquarium [CA] has stopped typing.

CG: ERIDAN. BRO?  
CG: I PROMISE THAT IF IT COMES TO THAT, I’LL FLING MYSELF INTO THE VOID FIRST.  
CG: MAYBE I SHOULD TRY TO GET EQUIUS TO MAKE ME SOME RESTRAINTS. OR TRY TO GET KANAYA TO GET EQUIUS TO MAKE ME RESTRAINTS BECAUSE HE ALSO CAN’T STAND THE SIGHT OF ME, AND WHILE I’M AT IT, HE CAN ALSO MAKE ME SOME KID-SIZED ROBOTS TO HUMP, SINCE APPARENTLY THAT’S MY DESTINY AND I CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO STOP IT.

CA: kar im  
CA: sorry  
CA: i swwear i didnt mean it like that

CG: SURE, IT’S FINE. LOOK, THIS BODY IS EXHAUSTING, SO I’M GOING TO HIT THE SOPOR. I’LL PUT UP A MEMO WHEN I HAVE TO LEAVE MY BLOCK SO EVERYONE CAN GET OUT OF THE WAY.

CA: kar wwait

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ended the conversation.


End file.
